I just had a short conversation with a guy I have never even met. He wanted to meet but I was rather busy. I am actually not sure I would have considered it anyway. Upon telling him vaguely that I was about to start working, he tried to make a suggestive joke which I actually did not catch till a few minutes later.
I don’t remember whether it was 2014 or 2015. A guy I had known for years decided to reconnect with me. Actually his close friends were my neighbours and so he actually knows my family well. I’m just one of these women. I talk freely with guys and have a tendency of seeing all men as brothers or fathers, otherwise friends and acquaintances, and nothing more. Anyway! So here is this guy I actually saw as a brother. He wanted to meet for drinks. I actually could not picture how I would get through a day out with the guy. Watsapp seemed like the best option. I had just come back into the country so I guess I did consider the benefits of getting out a bit and what better way than to be out with a ‘brother’. This is what stopped me though.
All of a sudden I could not finish a sentence without him turning what I said into something suggestive. The simplest most innocent thought or response became sexual. When and how had he decided to cross the line? Was that because I said I would consider catching up over a drink? Really? We had known each other for how many years and………..really! Trying to tell him did not work at first because his response was “stop it, I like it!” I mean really! I then had to say sternly to him that there is no way I am going anywhere with him if he continued to speak to me in that tone. Actually that was the last time we spoke and I have not spotted him since, thankfully!
I wonder often enough why men assume that women like to talk dirty at the drop of a word. Actually even guys you meet for the first time think that it is normal and every adult should talk dirty to the next and get offended if a woman objects. I cannot help but wonder who or what raised such a being. How sick in the head does one have to be? See men….there are some things you need to learn to save for a certain woman in your life. This kind of talk is meant as a form of foreplay. That is why it is called suggesting. You are not coming out and saying I want to sleep with you but you suggest. This is something you reserve for your partner.
Imagine this! Sending a suggestive text to your wife or husband as they leave for work, whilst at work, or on the way home. Or it is lunch time and you have time to call your spouse and you say something suggestive in anticipation for the time when you will meet later at home or where ever you may choose. You are preparing for a night of hot steamy love-making every couple needs. Actually, you need to learn to practise this a little more with your spouses and not random people outside the home. That is what talking dirty is for, to stimulate each other for the act to follow.
Now why would you want to talk dirty to a woman you are not going to sleep with? You have just met her, she is not your woman, she is not your wife, worse still her name is Nonka? Have men become so useless at making conversation that they cannot even talk about life in general without going straight to the contents of their pants. I guess it is no shock to see the alarming levels of promiscuity in the country. Aids suits us! That is literal translation from Ndebele, “iAids isifanele!”
See we are not just brainless beasts. We are human beings, created in the very image of God, capable of a lot more than we even realize. We walk as gods on this earth, called to subdue it. Yet we demean ourselves to the point of being capable of nothing but sex, incapable of an intelligent conversation, brains shut down. Well isn’t that pathetic. What a sorry excuse of a human being is this.
I personally do not understand women who respond well to it and actually reciprocate. I do not get the purpose of it at that level. What I cannot stand is the fact that it is just assumed that all women like that. I hate it! It is totally unnecessary and very disrespectful.
I think it is sickening when men who enjoy porn and hanging out at strip joints, and have an appetite for prostitutes, fail to draw the line and learn that not all women enjoy being spoken to in the way women in those movies and hang outs are accustomed. Those women are there to entertain you when you are given to your ………! You do not get to meet me or, even if you have known me for years, think I will………please! A little discernment would be appreciated and a little self-respect would do you much good. Really! Is it not better to consider the words that come out of one’s mouth and what thoughts pervade one’s mind? I have never heard of anyone who died from self-control, self-respect and a desire to be known to be better.
I say all this knowing well that women in Zimbabwe have a long way to go. We are far from free! However where we can start is by refusing to be treated like whores, and see ourselves as more, because…….we are!